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[05 Sep 2004|06:34pm] |
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i just got a new journal so add me the username is l00k_in_my_eyes the o's in look are zeros..
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[04 Sep 2004|03:19pm] |
i havent updated in a while cuz i've been using my xanga which is hopeless_dreamr. but i decided to start using this agen by starting with today entries on my xanga.. things are crazy and not good at all..
11:08am Saturday, Sept 4
this is gonna be a long day.. a really long day.. im about to wash my face and stuff and maybe go for a walk/ run.. i gotta clear my head.. i feel a little better then last nite but not much.. i havent cried today but then agen i've only been up for like 10 minutes.. but i think i'll be okay.. this just sucks so much..
like a dont have a enugh friggin trust issues someone, yet agen, makes them worse by doing something dumb.. im glad to know tho.. at times I wonder if I would of rather not known but I think if I had to continue without knowing it would of only been worse if I found out later..
im honestly scared to be alone.. but right now im not.. im not sure ur apology will make things better.. i have to do wats best for me in the long run even if that means lots of crying and hurt now.. im sorry that i can live without you but im even more sorry that i cant live being in a relationship and not trusting you..
2:46am Saturday, Sept 4
I fuckin trusted you.. when i was with you everything felt so right.. i dnt know if i'll ever trust you agen and im not sure i ever wana try.. what says you wnt do wat u did to her to me? why am i crying? why does this hurt so bad? I shuld've known, I shuld of fuckin known.
God I hate you. I hate you for giving me hope that things could b so perfect and I hate you even more for taking it away. I hate that you didnt tell me.
I hate that you picked me to love. Couldnt you hurt some1 else? im so sick of being hurt.
I hate that im not sure things will ever be right. I hate that you made it this way. I hate that the nite I finally say "I love you too" I find out this.
I hate that I REALLY meant it.
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[09 Jul 2004|10:57pm] |
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To Call or Not To Call? That is the question..
so i really like this kid from camp.. and i THINK he likes me.. so i wanted to give him my fone number but then i chickened out.. so i looked his up on yellowpages.com and i wanna call the number.. but im scared when i call he'll think im some sort of stalker and im not.. ahhhhh.. i don know what to do.. my options are:
A) Call tomorrow and say "hey, this is breanne.. i know you're wondering how i got ur fone number so i'll tell you.. i dont want you to think i'm a wierdo or anything cuz im not.. so what happened was i wanted to give my fone number yesterday i camp but i didnt cuz i kinda chickned out.. so last nite i remembered that i asked you to the movies with some of friends but you didnt answer cuz we started to talk to someone else so i looked up ur number on yellowpages.com using ur last name i got from the list of names we got from camp and i got this number.. so i was gonna call you last nite but then my friend wanted it to be just a girls' night out so i didnt call.. so now im calling cuz i like you and i want to get to know you better.. so really hwta im wondering is do youlike me too?" and so on and so on
B) wait til monday and tell him in camp that i like him and ask him if he likes me.. and if he says yes.. i'll give him my number and tell him to call me.. but if he says no then i'll just be his friend..
AHHHHHHHHHHH the drama at camp!!!
so post and tell me what you think i should do.. please.. i need some help here..
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[27 Jun 2004|04:33pm] |
so much to write but no time so i'll do a couple quik things..
- went down the shore with my cousins.. lots of fun
- came home got on a plane to florida w/ m parents
- swam w/ dolphins (so cool and i'll have pics later)
- got home today
- got report card.. not bad- didnt do that well on exams.. i got a lot of B's.. but not that many A's... and nthing below a B but i did get a 100 on my Lit exam.. woohoo
- krista picked me up went to James' house.. haha.. krista n him have been friends for 4 yrs and has never been in his house.. but the first time i go there im already in his room.. haha.. LoLz Krista..
- got book, Angels and Demons, from James
- went B&N with krista.. got my summer readin book.. Jane Eyre.. its kinda thick..
on another note, haha krista.. i know i scare you.. what can i say.. its just what i think and how i feel.. and im not creating drama.. or that big word you used..
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[17 Jun 2004|05:24pm] |
things are crazy but whatever,, its summer and i dont care anymore.. things can be crazy all they want cuz im not getting worked up ad so relaxed and calm.. sure some things are upsetting but when you feel that ur right it is so easy to defend urselk.. its almost like instinct.. im not gonna argue with people of even break a sweat with all of this.. it seems like summer starts and the truth comes out.. peoples true intentions are defines.. it fuckin awesome to nothing to hind.. so uncover every stone and looks in every dusty corner but im not scared bcuz there is nothing..
( Summer )
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| me = bad person?!? Is this all a waste? |
[15 Jun 2004|07:22pm] |
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Grey Street- Dave Matthews Band |
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i must really be a bad person bcuz the world seems to think so.. im sick of trying to help people and offer support and then getting yelled at.. this right now is the story of my life.. and it has so much more to do with then Jay.. im going crazy..
( Am I Wasting My Time? )
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[07 Jun 2004|06:51pm] |
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music |
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A.W.O.L- Yellowcard |
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im here hvin fun with my 'cuzin'.. she is so much fun.. i thank god for her cuz she is so supportive and reminds me that im better then all this petty shit.. and she never looks down on me for things i'v done.. she just realizes that im a better person now and supports me.. i love her like real real family.. and fuck all this shit i dont need it.. if ou have something to say.. freakin say it cuz i dont need you/ anyone stickin around to be nice.. such a nice day! oh and congrats lindsey on ur V letter ur awesome.. we're/ IM gonna MISS YOU nest year.. :(.. hopefully we'll stay in touch :)..
<3
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[06 Jun 2004|10:34am] |
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Mary and Ellen's CD |
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( I had a pretty good weekend.. )
I finally figured everything out in my crazy mind.. im in a good mood.. just one thing is bugging me but im getting oer it.. shit happens and whatever happens.. it doesnt matter cuz i have such good friends that will be there whenever i need them.. i havent seen 9:30am in a long time.. i usually dont wake up before 11am.. im in a good mood though so i might start waking up earlier.. haha.. maybe?!?!
<3
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[01 Jun 2004|07:46pm] |
i had a not very good day.. i was in quite a bad mood.. i was so unbelievably tired.. i just needed to sleep.. and i still havent.. then i came home and my dad frigin yells at me for like 15 minutes about the fone bill.. more specifically my long distance bill.. it was $60 over from callin mk and brian and he was freakin out.. "why do you need to talk to them for a hour or more?" thats what he asked me.. well the frig else am i gonna talk to them.. i dont see brian.. i only see mk maybe 1 weekend a month.. and i cant really talk to her iin school.. i only have lunch with her once a week.. he is such a jackass..
( My Crazy Mind )
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| wow.. |
[31 May 2004|09:34pm] |
i have had a totally awesome weekend and a great day.. i could write everything i did but im so won out and tired that i think i'll mosey on over into bed..
one last thing.. i love my family.. they are so fucking awesome.. i wouldnt change them for the world.. although my dad could be a tad bit friendlier and talkative but whatever everyone else is aweosme.. my sister and my mom and my brother-in-law.. they are so much fun..
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[26 May 2004|07:41pm] |
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Guns and Roses- Sex, Drugs, and Rock & Roll |
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so everything is finally solved.. and im glad i hate fighting with my friends.. and now i dont feel so alone when i do the random feeling changing on the spur of the moment thing.. all is good now..
on another note, life is good except being pissed about my psat score.. i went from a 1730 to a 1620.. i went 120 points.. what the hell? my math went from a 590 to a 510.. and my verbal went up from 540 to 560.. and my writing went from 600 to 550.. im so pissed.. i actually almost cried how the hell did this happen.. now i have to go buy SAT prep books for verbal and math.. and i need to study them all summer now.. this sucks.. im dont know whether to be mad at myself or what.. i just know that in general im pissed.. i felt so prepared and i thought i was gonna do great.. i thought it was so easy i dont know how i possibly bombed it so bad.. and my teacher is like oh well a 1500 is the best we expect people to get.. well then they have pretty low expectations.. i dont know how im gonna pull that up to at LEAST a 1800 by october when i have to take the real thing.. argghhh!!!
Lindseh is coming over later and then sleeping over.. so im gonna go now...
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| weekend!! |
[20 May 2004|07:35pm] |
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i am so excited.. tomorrow i get my braces!!! im gonna get pink.. then friday night im going to nutley high battle of the bands with mk, maxine, and krista.. then im sleeping over mk's.. then me, her and (maybe) Brian are gonna go out to the movies and maybe to get something to eat.. whatever we do is cool.. it'll be cool to spend time with mk im excited to FINALLY go to her house.. i've never seen it.. it'll be cool to inally get to see brian again.. (we've been so busy all the time)then me n mk are gonna go to diana's house before going to Jill's sweet sixteen.. its gonna be so much fun.. diana is so funny we almost feel asleep today outside listening to dispatch and laying in the grass.. haha.. im excited about jill's party too.. it should be good.. hen sunday i get to relax then we start again monday.. monday, i have school then running then an antler meeting.. tuesday i have a yearbook meeting and then wednessday i have nothing yet except school.. then thursday i have yearbook and bviously school.. then friday i ahev school and then kelly mulholland's party.. then some other shit but one weekend at a time.. i have to go make krista's bday invites..
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[16 May 2004|09:34pm] |
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i had an awesome day.. i layed out in the sun.. then lindseh came over and we went to the nutley street fair.. we got italian ice.. then we saw maxine and chris.. we hung out with them.. then we saw kyle.. chris and kyle ate meat on a stick.. haha.. "NO! we are not on the lemonade line." haha Maxine.. that would be a crime.. im not even gonna mention the thing maxine told me cuz she would be mad if i did.. but it was funny.. then chis brought me n lindseh back to my house and we finished and finally, finished the 10th kingdom..
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[08 May 2004|08:42pm] |
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i love this.. this feeling I get when you call or i see ur number on the caller id.. it makes me smile..
<3
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[07 May 2004|10:11pm] |
so i didnt go to school today.. cuz i woke up
( and.. )
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[06 May 2004|08:58pm] |
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Something Corporate- I Want To Save You |
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hold me and tell me it will be okay.. tell me that you're here and won't let go.. tell me you'll be here for as long as i need.. tell me why you care about me.. remind me why im special.. just hold me.. dont speak.. kiss me..
**Who Will Hold Me When I Fall Apart?**
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[06 May 2004|08:34pm] |
1) kissed your cousin: in that wierd, friendly way.. i hate when they squeeze ur cheeks
2) ran away: i once wrote the letter and was about and then i was like where will i go
3) broken someone's heart: sadly enough, yes
4) been in love: yes, the feeling is an ultimate high
5) cried when someone died: yea
6) broken a bone: thankfully no, knock on wood
7) drank alcohol: yes, and its bad cuz my family is a line of alcoholics or used to be alcoholics.. its in my blood
8) lied: yes but not to people i care about
9) cried in school: yes, acually last week when i thought i was geting a chem interm
WHICH IS BETTER:
10) coke or pepsi: don't drink soda.. but when i did creme soda was the best
11) sprite or 7up: don't drink soda.. but when i did sprite
12) girls or guys: it depends for on for what purpose
13) flowers or candy: flowers, specificly a single rose (the way to a girl's heart)
14) scruff or clean shaven: depends
15) quiet or loud: loud
16) blondes or brunettes: brunettes
17) bitchy or slutty: bitchy
18) tall or short: im short but either one is cool
19) pants or shorts: shorts
WITH THE OPPOSITE SEX
20) what do you notice first: eyes
21) last person you slow danced with: kyle?
22) worst thing to do: cheat and lie about it
...
WHAT IS:
26) your good luck charm: listening to Billy Joel before softball games
27) person you hate the most: ?
28) the best thing that has happened to you today: nothing too great happened today.. its actually been a pretty shitty day
FAVORITES:
29) color: purple
30) movie: All Dogs go to Heaven
31) book: Choke by Chuck Palahniuk (i think)
32) subject in school: Science except Chem
33) juice: orange or cranberry
34) cars: 2002 mustang gt convertible
35) ice cream: coffee chip
36) holiday: christmas
37) season: summer
38) breakfast food: fruit
39) music to brood to: ummmm... Lynyrd Skynyrd
DO YOU EVER:
40) sit by the phone waiting for a phone call at night: occassionally yes
41) save internet conversations: dont have aim
42) save emails: sometimes, important ones
43) wish you were someone else: not too often
44) wish you were a member of the opposite sex: how bout NO!
45) cried because of someone's mean words: yes, im pretty sensitive (shhh- dont tell anyone)
BEST:
46) cologne: Tommy Hilfiger
47) friend: i have amny, but my best friend ever is Danny
48) kiss: dont know..
49) romantic memory: nothing that romantic has happned to me yet, but i love when boys sing to me
50) most recent advice given to you: Live each day like its your last because one of these day just might be.
DO YOU
51) color your hair: yes, i put lond highlights
52) have tattooes: no but i want one on my back
53) have piercings: two holes in each ear
54) have a boyfriend/girlfriend: not right now
55) own a webcam: no
56) own a thong: yea
57) ever get off the computer: unlike most pople i dont live here
58) sprechen sie deutsche: ???
59) habla espanol: si yo hablo espanol para cinco anos
60) quack: duck
HAVE YOU/DO YOU/ARE YOU:
61) stolen anything: yes, but i dont anymore
62) smoke: no
63) schizophrenic: no
64) obsessive: yea about school
65) compulsive: yea about school projects (haha mk)
66) obsessive compulsive: yes, (no maxine i'll paint the tree ur doing it wrong)
67) panic: sometimes
68) anxiety: occasionally
69) depressed: at least three times a week
70) suicidial: i was once but not anymore
71) obsessed with hate: no love is the answer
72) dream of mutliated bodies, blood, death, and gore: no. definitely not
73) if you could be anywhere, where would you be?: Italy
74) can you do anything freakish with your body: I can bend my fingers really wierd
75) what facial feature do you find the most attractive: eyes
76) would you vote for a woman candidate for president: if she was qualified.. hell yea
77) would you marry for money: no, love and happiness are so much more important
78) have you had braces: Nope but i get them may 21
79) do you pluck your eyebrows: no
80) do you like hairy backs: sexy kind of, not.. ewww!
81) could you live without a computer: yea, i'd feel inconvenienced but yea
82) do you use ICQ, AOL Buddy list, etc...? NO
83) if so, how many people are on your lists: 0
84) if you could live in any post time period, which would it be? the 80's
85) do you drink enough water: 6-8 cups a day
86) do you wear shoes in the house or take them off: I take them off
87) what is your favorite fruit: kiwi and mango
88) do you eat wheat bread or white: either
89) do you kiss on the first date: only if i really really like the person
90) are you photogenic: not really
91) do you dream in color or black and white: color
92) are you wearing fingernail polish: no
93) do you have any dimples: yea big ones, i have chubby cheeks
94) do you remember being born: no
95) why do you take survey's: im bored
96) do you drink alcohol: yes
97) what is the best accent: australian
98) who do you want to kiss: Adam Brodey
99) do you like sunrises or sunsets the most: sunsets, i still havent seen the sunrise
100) do you want to live to be 100?: as long as at 100 im not immobile
101) is a flat stomach important to you: no
102) are you loyal: undeniably
103) are you tolerant of other people's beliefs: yes
104) when you watch movies at home, do you like the lights on or off? off
105) do you have nightmares frequently: twice or less a week
106) do you like your nose: yeah
107) do you think you can draw well: sometimes
108) at what age did you find out Santa Claus wasn't real? fifth grade
109) how many pairs of shoes are in your closet: 0 then downstairs in the hallway.. i think i have about 10 pairs
110) do you like to wear the same shoes everyday or do you like variety? depends
111) do you write poetry: yes
112) do you snore: no
113) do you sleep more on your back, front, or sides? sides
114) dog/cat? dog
115) do you lick stamps: sure
116) do you use an electric can opener? yes
117) have you ridden in a hot air balloon: no, but i want to
118) which hurts the most, physical or emotional pain: emotional
119) favorite TV show: Law and Order
120) do you know anyone who is clinically depressed: yes
121) do you prefer a piano or violin: piano but i used to play the violin
122) are you a sex addict? myea i imagine so (haha mk)
123) do you know someone who has cancer? yeah
124) do you like to argue: yes, ask krista i always win
125) do you hunt: No
126) do you like fast food joints, or expensive restaurants: fast food
127) would you rather vist a zoo or an art musuem: Zoo
128) do you have a middle name?: Maria
129) are you basically a happy person: yep
130) are you tired?: yea
131) did you drink anything with caffeine in it today?: no 132) how many phones do you have in your house: 2
133) how long is your hair: long
134) do you get along with your parents? yea, most of the time
135) what color of eyes do you prefer: blue or green or light brown
136) first name: Breanne
137) were you named after anyone?: the lady my mom met before she had me
138) do you wish on stars?: yes
139) when did you last cry: like an hour ago
140) if you were making a movie about yourself, what would the title be? The Search for Happiness
EVERYTHING
141) do you like your handwriting: yea, i guess
142) who do you admire and why: grandma
143) what is the #1 priority in your life?: to be happy
144) what is your favorite lunchmeat? chicken
145) any bad habits: always doubtin myself
146) what is your most embarrassing CD? all my garth brooks cds and my rick ashley cd
147) if you were another person, would you be friends with yourself: yeah
148) are you a daredevil: yea, i like a challenge
149) have you ever told a secret you swore not to tell? sadly enough yes
150) have you ever stolen anything: yea
151) do looks matter: yes but its not that important
152) have you ever misused a word and it sounded absolutely stupid: yea
153) do you think there is a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow: yea
154) do fish have feelings: of course, didnt you see finding nemo?
155) are you trendy? im not with the trend if thats what you mean
156) how do you release anger? sports
157) Where is your second? my second?
158) do you trust others easily: yea, too asily sometimes
159) what was your favorite toy as a child?: ninja turtles
160) what class in school do you think is totally useless? History
161) do you like sappy love songs? yea
162) have you ever been on radio or television: no
163) do you have a journal: yea
164) do you use sarcasm a lot: no, never, of course not i mean who does that?
165) have you ever been in another country: yes, Canada
166) what do you look for in a girl/guy?: good personality, funny, nice looking
167) what is/are your nickname? Bre, Brebrat, Princess, Grasso, BreBre
168) would you bungee jump?: i want to
169) do you untie your shoes when you take them off?: sometimes
170) what are you worried about right now?: nothing
171) do you think you are strong: emotionally not really,
physically hell yea..
172) what's your least favorite thing in the world: the thought of all the hatred
173) how many wisdom teeth do you have? I don't know
174) what would you change about yourself: My weight and how i always doubt myslef
175) i need: high self confidence
176) i find: money in my old bags
177) i want: a boyfriend
178) i have: small hands
179) i wish: I had something truly secial about me
180) i love: being in love
181) i hate: being alone
182) i miss: my aunt
183) i fear: being alone
184) i feel: hopeless
185) i hear: the tv
186) i smell: garlic
187) i wonder: when i'll be kissed and held again
188) i regret: nothing
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[04 May 2004|09:19pm] |
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Space- Something Corporate |
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what am i gonna do with all of this? .. im done with this.. i men it.. its crazy to think it will work.. i want to be happy but how?
on a completely seperate note, then this "magnificent person" lives so far away.. these things definitely only happen to me.. uhh.. im fucked either way but forget it no important..
so today i got to pitch.. i walked 1 person, i struck out 1 person, i threw only 15 balls in the whole 5 innings.. it was good..
i just want to be adored, kissed.. to be held.. by someone i adore..
** at this point and ime, i know who i want but how?**
if you think that the 'on a completely different note' and beyond is about you, you're probly wrong unless you're the person i told was a "sexy bitch".. and thats enugh of a hint for now.. im sick of this journal.. it makes me sound like a psycho..
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[02 May 2004|09:20pm] |
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mood |
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 content |
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music |
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Punk Rock Princess- Something Corporate |
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so today was a good day.. i went to the mom-daughter breakfast for school.. it was fun but i ate so much that i havent eaten since.. although im starting to feel hungry.. then i cleaned out my closet and then my dressers.. then i straightened up some over stuff.. then i went outside and jumped rope.. ran a little and did some karate.. oh it felt good to do some karate agen its been so long.. it hurt a little im not as flexible as i used to be.. but its cool.. then i took a shower made some important fone calls.. studied a little i should of studided more but i didnt have my stuff so i had to study from the book and its hard for me to concentrate from study from the book.. so yea!!
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